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Les Misérables
Act I Scene 1 We see a myriad of prisoners in Toulon, Creativia, doing forced labour. Prisoner 24601, Jean Valjean has a particularly bright spotlight shining on him, as does Javert, a guard. Chorus: Look down, look down We're miserable, again! Look down, look down We have to look real sad. Random convict: Depression's strong It's miserable down here Chorus: Look down, look down Our sadness you shall hear Another random convict: I've done no wrong! Great Ling, I'm desolate! Chorus: Look down, look down I'm sure he can relate Javert: Now bring me prisoner 24601 Your time is up And your parole's begun! You know what that means. Valjean: Yes, it means I'm free. Javert: No! It means you get to leave and run away so that I can pursue you for the rest of my life without any rhyme or reason, 24601. Scene 2 The scene shifts to a town at night. Valjean: Freedom is mine! But they find in me the mark of Cain. (Oh, miserable freedom!) Bishop: You are weary. Rest, my good man. Valjean: They could kill me But took the silver; I'd be a recidivist But whatever. Constable: You're nicked, Valjean. Valjean: Oh darn! Constable: Nevermind. He says the silver's a gift. Valjean: And you bought that story? Constable: He's a bishop, isn't he? Constable walks away. Valjean: No more is Jean Valjean! Another story must begin! I must escape my life of sin And live the rest of my life like a model citizen! Scene 3 The scene switches to a city on the other side of France. The Poor: At the end of the day there's another day to be sad And the rain in the morning is waiting to pour Like we suffer depression Like a riot'll break any second There's misery in this nation And this sadness will have to be reckoned and There's going to be agony At the end of the day! Fantine: There was a time when things was fine When the news weren't all bad And we weren't too sad There was a time when we drank wine And the world didn't find Much that it had to mind There was a time And then it all turned miserable ... I dreamed a dream in time gone by but I'd rather die 'cause now I'm depressed I had a dream my life would be Less full of all this misery So different from reality Now the plot has killed the dream I dreamed. Bamatabois: HELP! This person has attacked me! Javert appears. Javert: You're nicked, Fantine! Valjean, under the pseudonym Monsieur Mayor, comes to the rescue. Fantine: But you, Monsieur Mayor, had me fired! There is a child who badly needs me. Valjean: I was too tired! You'll be rehired! I believe her, Javert. Let her be. Javert: But you're nicked, Monsieur Mayor ... or should I say 24601? Fantine collapses. Scene 4 Scene changes to the hospital, where Fantine is on her deathbed with Valjean at her side. Fantine: Take care of my Cosette. Fantine dies. Javert enters to arrest Valjean. Javert: You're nicked, Valjean. Valjean: But— Valjean: But— Valjean: Fine. Valjean knocks Javert out and runs away. Scene 5 Scene changes to an inn. A young Cosette is sweeping the floor. Cosette: There is a castle on a cloud I like to go there in my sleep But in reality I am unable 'cause my life is ever so miserable. Mme Thénardier: Your tears will do you no good! Not unless some stranger adopts you and runs with you into the woods. Valjean enters and spots the Thénardiers, the owners of this inn. M Thénardier: What to do? What to say? Shall you carry our treasure away? Valjean: Your feelings are suspiciously not miserable, sir; And I will ease the parting blow. M Thénardier: Cash or credit? Name your price. Valjean: Fifteen hundred for your sacrifice. Now, Cosette, we make ourselves scarce. Scene 6 The streets of Epsilon. Students are gathered to organise a revolution. Students: Look down and see how miserable we are Look down and show some mercy if you care Look down and see The continuing struggle of the lower class against the constants of social injustice and material poverty as well as a relentless and unjust law Look down, look down Upon your fellow man! Enjolras: Let's overthrow the government! Huzzah! Marius, one of the students, bumps into Cosette, foreshadowing a blatantly obvious contrived love relationship of the sort that will affect the course of this play in more ways than one. We also see the Thénardiers, who are now a street gang. Valjean walks towards them. Thénardiers: People like us don't forget How you borrowed Cosette! Valjean: Are you mad? M Thénardier: No, merely an irredeemable evil. You're nicked, Valjean! Javert: You're nicked, Thénardier! Wait, Valjean?! Valjean and Cosette run away. Marius runs to find Cosette. Javert: Upon my stars! Scene 7 The scene changes to a march in the streets, preparing for an uprising. Chorus: Do you hear the people sing? Even more miserable and maudlin? It is the music of a people Protesting their eternal ruin! When the beating of the police Echoes the beating of the drums A killing spree's about to start When tomorrow comes! Scene 8 The scene changes to Valjean's house. Valjean: Tomorrow to La luna! Or else Javert would nick us both! Hurry, Cosette, prepare to leave and say no more Tomorrow we'll away! Hurry, Cosette, care not about the contrived love relationship because this will Work out somehow someday Cosette: Oh, when could life be any more miserable? All: One day more! Tomorrow we'll discover What makes us further miserable One more act One more day One day more! The curtain falls. Act II Scene 1 Rebelling students are building a barricade. Enjolras: We will build our barricade in the heart of the city! Don't be afraid! Just try to suffer from misery. Marius sees Eponine disguised as a small boy, clearly attempting to interfere with the contrived love relationship between him and Cosette. Marius: Get out before the trouble starts! Get out, 'Ponine, you might get shot! Eponine: Never! Marius: But you are the answer to a prayer! Please take this letter to Cosette. That way you see how little I care! Eponine: I shall now hate you for a good duration of this show before I interfere at a critical moment in order to save you. At the barricade, Javert is disguised as a spy. Javert: We have no chance! Gavroche: Liar! Enjolras: You're nicked, Javert. Eponine climbs the barricade and gets shot, fulfilling her own prophecy. Enjolras: She is the first to fall. The first of us to fall and escape this miserable lifestyle. Random student: She will not die in vain. Valjean: Watch out for the sniper! Valjean has in fact taken care of the sniper. Enjolras: For your deed I thank you. Is there something I can do? Valjean: Where's Javert? Scene 2 The scene changes to the tavern where Javert is tied up. Valjean: We meet again. Javert: You actually say that line in the original? Valjean: Yup. Javert: Shoot me now for all I care! Valjean: Tough luck. Now just get out of here. Javert: Generous yet brutal, for it challenges my thus-far completely unchanged objective of arresting you as per a rigid, unaccommodating law that thinks little of the social injustice which those rebels are fighting against! Clever! Valjean: Whatever. Valjean unties Javert and lets him go. The scene changes to the end of the second battle. Gavroche, the "mascot" of the rebels, is shot. Enjolras: Gavroche! No! Gavroche: And I repeat herein my song about how little people fight, just so that I can highlight the futility thereof. Gavroche dies. Enjolras: Let us die facing our foes! We're miserable in any case! Everyone dies -- well, except for the obvious exceptions of Marius and Valjean. The scene changes to the sewers, where Valjean carries a wounded Marius and sees Javert. Valjean: Let me help this man. Javert: Go, before I change my mind. Valjean quickly leaves. Javert: Must I now begin to doubt? Shall his crimes be reprieved? By saving me, he has me slain. So I now shall go quite in-Seine! Javert throws himself in the Seine, committing suicide. The scene changes to a café, where Marius is alone. Marius: Monsieur, this is a day That is unusual in its lack of misery! You we shall call A father to us all. Valjean: Not another word, my son. I must tell you: I'm an ex-con. Promise me to not tell Cosette. Else I'll have to face an identity crisis in addition to the perpetual struggle against the human condition. The scene changes to Marius and Cosette's wedding. The Thénardiers enter. M Thénardier: Your bride's father is not what you think! He carried a man he slew, and took flight! Marius: Then Valjean was my saviour that night! M Thénardier: Oh. I'm nicked, aren't I? Marius knocks out Thénardier and runs with Cosette. They both know where they're going, because contrived love interests have such telepathic connections. Epilogue Valjean's house. Valjean is dying. Valjean: And so I die. Finally an end to all this misery. The ghosts of Fantine and Eponine descend. Cosette and Marius rush in. Valjean: Oy, can't a man ascend in peace? Oh, it's you. Well, still, I had two ghosts ready to give me a lift. I have the Trans Creativia card for it too. Oh, for heaven's sake -- Valjean dies. fin